Shut Up Brain

I don't like being alone with you lately.
It's terrifying.
You don't let me sleep.
You don't let me study.
You don't allow me to completely enjoy the present.
You don't magnify the good, but focus on what isn't.
You want what I cannot have.
You judge.
You don't let me look forward.
Stop it. Let me be goddamnit.

I know it is not easy to let go.
I know it can be paralysing.
I know the void that empties the space just under my diaphragm, the cue to that  lump that forms in the throat, as if my body were conforming to the cosmic principle of conserving matter.
I know that twitch of the lip and the cringe of the nose that precedes the first tear that pierces through the eye. The one I've been trying to fight back the hardest.
I know keeping yourself busy seems like running away.
I understand what hurts.
But it will hurt only as long as you decide to let it hurt.

So shut up man. Go to sleep.
It's 2:43am.

____________________________________

That was not fair of me was it.
I'm sorry.
No one knows me like you do.
No one knows you like I do.
You've always wanted the best for me too.
If you can't get over it it's also because I can't
We shall work on this together okay?
But the we need the sleep now.
It's 3:19am
I love you and I will never leave you
Not because I can't even if I wanted to
But because I should be accepting you for better or worse
Through thick and thin
Always and all ways
You are amazing and you should never forget to be the awesome self you are.
Your health is mine
Your well being is mine
Your attitude is mine
We'll device a plan to work around this.
Come on now. We have work to do in the morning.
The world is our oyster, am I right?
Just breathe. Sleep tight!