Make Up is for Ugly People

Or so I thought for the longest time.
Recently however, I have found myself liking the prettier girl in the mirror every time I have to put some on for occasions.
Does that make me ugly, I wonder.
Why must you paint your face?
Is it because you think less of your natural appearance?
Sure you're not the fairest, nor do you possess clear skin and it certainly doesn't bother you but is allowing yourself to indulge in an abstract sense of beauty under layers of foundation and streaks of eye liner an insecurity?

"I'm a guy. This is a woman's indulgence."
Okay well look at that photo you have on Facebook, the one in the suit and the tie and the well adjusted hair. You looked your best, eh? Yeah you like that picture. All the aunties that scowl at you when you walk around all sweaty and worm after a long day of college or a football game said you looked chikna that day.
Relate now?

"It is an indulgence for the vain" you claim, while you sift through the the clotheslines at pantaloons on off season sales in local or online shopping centres.

"It is an indulgence for the rich, the west" you justify, as you wait for an uncle to return from the States with your new wardrobe rolled up in travel bags.

"It's the bollywood bimbos and Bieber"
You shrug it away, and then scroll through your twitter feed and watch them flash their brands on TV.

"I am simple" you proclaim.
Sure.

"What's wrong with trying to look good?"
Nothing. Nothing at all.
But, you look great all the time anyway. Regardless of what you wear or do to your face. If you can't believe that, you must be ugly.

"What are you getting at?"
Hypocricy? Vanity? I'm not sure. I just woke up and I haven't moved. It's almost noon. I should brush my teeth.
Good morning.

No Plain Blaine

Before Criss Angel and Hannibal took over, I remember AXN airing a lot of David Blaine. He was greatness in faded jeans and the same old black T-shirt. He'd pick volunteers from the streets and have them cussing and screaming and running away. Eye popper. Jaw dropper. All in a matter of a few hushed words and a swift motion of the hand. When he was done, he'd walk away with the same droopy eyes and hunched back.

Apart from his magic tricks, Blaine was fond of taking his body to extremes. He'd test his endurance through feats that I'll let your curiosity google. One such exercise that stayed with me was Above The Below, where he stayed in a glass box hung a over the Thames for a forty-four days with nothing but water supply, a pillow, blankets and his diary.

Sure, he battled starvation and an unfair amount of booing as well cheering. Yes, he lost a fourth of his weight and his BMI dropped dangerously. Also yes, he suffered an unhealthy sort of isolation-a so close yet so far feeling. Sure, he is a symbol of the undying human spirit and endurance and will power and I respect the man for it all.

However, it's what I remember him saying after those forty-four days that troubled me. He spoke of a revelation. Of course you'd have one too if you're going to be with yourself for that long and watch the sun rise and set everyday and watch the ants below drive around and go to work and live their lives and watch the stars traverse their course each night and have no one but yourself to share it with when you marvel at it all, but there was more to his epiphany.
He learnt something up there. He'd written about it in his diary. He'd said that when he was back on the ground he was surprised by how easily he'd forgotten his lesson and he was glad he had it all written down.

I have wondered then and I still wonder now, what magnificent truth did you uncover Mr.Blaine? What did you see that no one else on this planet living their routine lives missed? We must be missing this truth real hard if Blaine himself almost forgot it upon descending back to life with us here on ground level, that too after taking more than a month's meditation to understand it.

How I have wished you'd tell me. But like all your stunts, you leave me guessing.

Smashed it

Shut Up Brain

I don't like being alone with you lately.
It's terrifying.
You don't let me sleep.
You don't let me study.
You don't allow me to completely enjoy the present.
You don't magnify the good, but focus on what isn't.
You want what I cannot have.
You judge.
You don't let me look forward.
Stop it. Let me be goddamnit.

I know it is not easy to let go.
I know it can be paralysing.
I know the void that empties the space just under my diaphragm, the cue to that  lump that forms in the throat, as if my body were conforming to the cosmic principle of conserving matter.
I know that twitch of the lip and the cringe of the nose that precedes the first tear that pierces through the eye. The one I've been trying to fight back the hardest.
I know keeping yourself busy seems like running away.
I understand what hurts.
But it will hurt only as long as you decide to let it hurt.

So shut up man. Go to sleep.
It's 2:43am.

____________________________________

That was not fair of me was it.
I'm sorry.
No one knows me like you do.
No one knows you like I do.
You've always wanted the best for me too.
If you can't get over it it's also because I can't
We shall work on this together okay?
But the we need the sleep now.
It's 3:19am
I love you and I will never leave you
Not because I can't even if I wanted to
But because I should be accepting you for better or worse
Through thick and thin
Always and all ways
You are amazing and you should never forget to be the awesome self you are.
Your health is mine
Your well being is mine
Your attitude is mine
We'll device a plan to work around this.
Come on now. We have work to do in the morning.
The world is our oyster, am I right?
Just breathe. Sleep tight!

दिलबर, दिलबर!

हाँ! दिलबर, दिलबर!

Dear Future Self

I hope you're doing well. I hope by now you're well off and wiser and better at managing your time and money and friends than I am. Also, healthier. A few kilogrammes lighter would be nice, but I guess that's what all women always want.

I hope you haven't stopped writing. You remember that plan you made?
1. Write good book
2. Use shitload of the money you make off the book to gather experiences
3. Use that as inspiration for next book
4. Repeat all the above.
I wonder if you ever stuck to that.

By now you better be living on your own terms, with a pet or two of course. You should be able to cook a little and know how to drive. I sincerely hope you've picked up where you left off with the piano. It is a shame that I didn't pursue it hard enough. I pray you don't make the same mistake. Who knows maybe you're in some music group doing really well or your career plan is something else entirely. You just better know what you're up to.

I'd be happy to know you finally learnt how to edit videos and you're running your own gutsy vlog. I know its something you've always wanted to do. It'd make me happy knowing you've attended at least one vidcon by now. That'd be a huge dream-come-true.

I hope you never stopped learning and working on the best possible version of yourself. Knowing you, girl, you got work to do.
I hope that you're on your way to becoming whatever it is you plan to be now, and that you're actively doing something towards it. No drifting. No procrastinating. You've done enough that. I'd know.

I hope you meet some lovely people along the way. Some passionate and inspiring individuals worth emulating and accompanying. People whose presence you find warm, encouraging, supportive and give you a sense of security.
However, always remember my good friends too. If you're not in touch with them, shame on you. Call them after you're done reading. I'm leaving you a list of must-calls in an email draft okay? Names and contacts.

I also hope you're happy and doing what you love. If you aren't in such a situation I hope that whatever it is you're going through will pass soon. Most phases do. I want you to be able to tell yourself then what I tell myself now in times like these-that the universe is infinite you are a fragile sack of blood, bones and flesh troding a tiny blue rock. Your existence in itself is a miracle. Your problems couldn't possibly be too big.
Breathe.

If you're much more religious by now then I'm going to give you the standard cliché. Don't tell God how big your problems are. Tell your problems how big God is.

If you're a mother by now, I'm honestly shocked. But I'm sure you gave in to societal convention after serious consideration and you've taken up this responsibility with full knowledge of what lies ahead. If it was by accident, tell kiddo mommy still loves it very much and probably more than the whole entire world, right mommy?

Also, I know you have regrets about certain things. You might regret things I don't even know I'm going to do. Don't dwell on them please. You tend to do that a lot. Let things go. What's in the past is in the past. Okay? Move on.

You will come across some rude, unpleasant people and yet others that will doubt you and tell you that you can't do certain things. You will face obstacles and challenges and hit a wall. You will want to give up a lot of the time. I want you to remember why you started in the first place and get back on track. No pain, no gain. You have places to be. No listening to trash. You do what you've got to do.
As long as its legal of course.

Now it's your turn. I want you to reply to me and tell me how I did, and also write me something to read ten years from when you read this, or whatever time gap you deem fit. Until then, try not to do anything stupid.

Yours alone,
You from May of 2015.

Them Lizards Though

Get out. This is my blog. If I want to rant I can rant okay. You're still reading? Wow. You must really like me.

I do not like the idea of study leaves. I don't use all of it to study as it is. I miss my friends at college already. I miss my professors too. There. I said it. Shh.

Nor do I like the week long pauses they give us between examinations. Like I'm going to sit and do the same subject for the whole week. Please. I have a life.

I also do not like the kids who are all "why oh why did Newton discover gravity? We'd have one less subject to do" or "why did Leibnitz have to sit around doing all this math? We'd have less calculus to do" Or, "why did Faraday have to play with electricity all the time man. We wouldn't have all this circuitry to understand today."

Listen you brats,
A. Most discoveries were inevitable for their time. If not Newton, another smartypants woulda figured it out.
Most discoveries during the Industrial Age were being researched by multiple teams at the same time. Stop hatin' on Newton. He's a cool chap.

B. Can you imagine how life would've been without these discoveries? Don't even try. You can't.

C. The very fact that you're making that statement means you're simply not ready for some upcoming test. Now who's fault is that? Not Newton.

D. How can you not look at these great people with a sense of reverence? Look at what they've accomplished and discovered. True there's all this material to study but how lucky we are to be alive at this moment in time and witness this vast, limitless ocean of knowledge and be able to be swim in all the hard work so many scientists before us have put in to make our lives so much easier.

So shut it.

You know what else I don't like? The statement "I'm bored"
This is 2014! You have the world in your pocket. It is impossible to be bored. Don't be a spoilt brat. There is always, ALWAYS, something cool you can do.

Also, cockroaches. I do not like cockroaches. Especially ones that fly. This probably has to do with this one incident as a kid when a cockroach climbed up all the way to my knee... In the dark.

Lizards though, they're all right. They keep to the walls and eat all the annoying mosquitoes. Plus, they're like tiny dinosaurs.