A Whole Lotta Nothing

I was inspired to write something today by this extremely long and painstakingly accurate chart of the Solar System that was drawn to scale by considering the moon to be the size of a pixel. The bottom of the screen is lined with a measuring scale that spans through the entire length of the page. I spent an hour appreciating this chart because it just blew my mind. I was struck with how much black, empty, nothingness exists out there! I had to find an object with the right weight and shape to place over the right-arrow key because there was so much scrolling to do. And as my eyes scrolled through all that black nothingness, a couple hundred thousand kilometres of it per second, my brain began to marvel at it all. Every now and then, I'd come across some thought provoking text, generously dropped in by the developers, and I realized how mind bogglingly massive the universe we live in is. The more I stared at the swiftly scrolling black screen the more I noticed about my surroundings, like how the tinier lines on the measuring scale seemed to move to the right while the longer ones moved left, and how the seven digit number hovering above them continued to ascend with different digits ascending at different paces. I became increasingly aware of my own reflection on that black screen and realized how tiny and insignificant I felt in the grand scheme of things. I learnt that

Emptiness is actually everywhere. It’s something like 99.9999999999999999999958% of the known universe.

This is exactly what I could not, and still cannot, wrap my head around. If this is true, everything we do know about the known universe makes up a very very very tiny fraction of it.

Think about it;
Everything -
this world we live in,
everything you have possibly learnt from school,
everything you haven't,
all the people in your life,
all the songs you've known,
every photograph you've smiled for,
all the family vacations you hold dear,
all the tears you've shed
and memories you've put to bed,
every human structure that has stood still and fallen,
every story ever told,
every blade of grass and clinked beer glass,
every ball kicked off the ground,
every spaceship heavenward bound,
each tiny speck of debris floating in space,
each of the trillion stars sending us light from its place
from the tiniest amoeba pushing its way about in questionable waters
to oldest blue whale that swished its tail
somewhere in our Earthly waters;
every living, breathing organism that is alive today,
that was alive in the past
and that will live to see the future,
everything 
makes up a measly 0.0000000000000000000042% of the known universe.

My attempt to understand this only made my brain want to blow up.
[To put things into a little more perspective, I also learnt that atoms too are mostly space. For example, if the singular proton of a hydrogen atom were the size of the sun, the electron would be at a distance 11 times that of this chart! And mind you, the chart itself is so huge, it would take you more than a thousand computers screens lined up side by side to view the whole thing. This made me feel like I was made of billions of tiny vacuum bubbles.]

It made me, in a sense, come to terms with my mortality and the improbableness of my existence. It made me think about a lot of things. It made me cry because there was so much to think about. That chart only made my acutely aware of how large our solar system is, but the universe?

I CAN'T HANDLE ALL THIS INFINITY! HOLY COW, ARE WE TINY! WHAT IS AIR!
*can't stop jumping up and down in my seat*

Pardon my hysterics, I'm known to be a little hyper.
Really though, we're just fragile sacks of flesh, bones and blood walking on this tiny blue rock that happened to be the right distance from our Sun, and happened to harbour life as complex and delicate as ours a couple million years ago, and happened to mercifully allow us miserable beings to squirm about its muddy surface.
Here we are, standing together on the tiny blue speck we call home, here to share it with all these beautiful creatures and to live our tiny lives which, to the Universe is but the blink of an eye.

Jane Doe and I were discussing this during a sleepover and we like calling this phenomenon 'The Big Picture.' It gave us strength knowing that the problems in our lives that seemed so huge to us at the time, were really nothing compared to the vastness of the cosmos. Just thinking about it made all our worries shrink. Nothing became more important than knowing that we were alive, and we were breathing, and that that in itself was a miracle.

I'll leave you with a song and this video that really made me think along the same lines.
Thanks just for reading!

Auto Rides!

I've always had shoulder-length hair, and if it were any longer I'd have to tie it up into a pony-tail more often. This way it can only be left open and look how fun it is when it plays with the wind! wee!

WEEE!

I rarely have to comb my mop of hair, there isn't much of it anyway. Yay to short hair!
Also, this is the first time I've ever tried making a gif. Took me a while but here is now. Yay to gifs!

Rantings Over the Phone #2

If you live in Mumbai in 2014 you'd know that when summer came along it was scorching hot and now that the rains are here you're wading in knee deep piss water. Well it's not piss water, it's paan and roadside garbage and dog poop and piss water (that is, assuming dogs are the only stray animals on the streets of wherever you live. No? Too bad.)

Well between these two extremes there is a time when it gets unbearably hot and sweaty and you're waiting for the skies to pour but all it gives you is a windy evening, like the passing fart that warns you about a larger terror that may or may not strike in the next couple of minutes in the form of eye-watering, nostril-flaring fumes of last night's curry.

You know what I'm talking about don't you, you pretentious nose-clincher.

My conversation with Phil the Rapper started off with some taunts to the weather too.

Me: Its too hot these days. I don't allow it. *frowns*
Phil: Yeah I don't know how the heat elves got away with it man.
Me: Heh yeah heat elves. Hate those. Also, the rain monkeys are playing tricks on us. They make it really windy outside and then run away like 'oh you thought it was going to rain? Haha gotcha!' And then taunt us with mild drizzles every now and then.
Phil: I know! Proper government certified idiots them. But they'll only be able to do this till June end, then the unicorn island minions take over anyway. Hah...en deir phes.
Me: haha!

And at other times we're making really lame rhymes

What!? I told you they'd be lame.

(wink)

Attempting to Finish Boo's Book

So for nerdfighter book club, the ever awesome Mr.John Green has asked us to finish Katherine Boo's award winning novel, Behind The Beautiful Forevers. The only problem is I just can't finish the damn thing.
(Caution: This may spoil it a tad bit for those who haven't read it yet)

The book is about Mumbai under city and how families in the slum called Annawadi cope with the fluctuating global markets, the over population and lack of space, the harsh weather, poverty, corruption, religious discrimination, careless governance and just generally ruthless people. It introduces you to characters that are both essentially good but unfortunately flawed, like, well, all of us.

Annawadi-a relatively small slum housing 3000 people in 335 huts-is situated inconveniently on ground that belongs to the Mumbai International Airport; and I was conveniently unaware of it, and that bothers me.
In my defence, there are a lot of slums in Mumbai. 

Who am I kidding, that's a pathetic defence. That's exactly what annoys me. There are so many slums in this city but my ignorance and nonchalance has left my nose up high for so long. I have failed to imagine complexly at the lives of my citymates. There are so many flaws in this city and in our systems it's actually scary, but when looked at closely, the flaws are a product of desperation. Policemen finish their detection hastily and ask for under-the-table cash, but because they're not paid enough by their superiors. Doctors at government hospitals wrongly diagnose patients when convenient.

...The doctor entered the room with the results of the forensic investigation. Abdul was seventeen years old if he paid two thousand rupees, and twenty years old if he did not. 

 Abdul sat up, angry. He didn't have two thousand rupees, and what was it with this rich doctor, asking a boy in detention for cash? The doctor held up his hands, rueful. 'Yes, it's rubbish, asking poor boys like you, but the government doesn't pay us enough money to raise our children. We're forced to take bribes, to be kamina.' He smiled at Abdul. 'Nowadays we'd do almost anything for money.'

Abdul couldn't help but feel sorry for this friendly doctor, especially when the guy relented and declared him to be seventeen. A few days later, Abdul would find himself feeling concern for a Mumbai policeman. 

 I'm only lucky-so abundantly lucky-that I am not in such a vulnerable position, that I've been born to a wealthy family (and by wealthy I mean the availability of running water, electricity, an internet connection, and the privilege of good private schooling and regular meals.) 

Apart from making me guilty, the book has filled me with a sadness that is different from the one I received upon the death of Alaska Young and Augustus Waters, characters that take more than a hundred pages to understand and appreciate. Even the unfair end of Sanjay, a character that was introduced for no more than three pages, made me tearfully put down the book for a week long pause. 

The reason this book hurts so much is because all of this takes place here in Mumbai. Here in my backyard, every single day. For as long as I can remember, metropolitan Mumbai has portrayed a different picture to me-autorickshaws and bad roads, massive malls and pani puri stalls, juhu beach and pan stained sidewalks, bollywood, beggars and BEST buses. I'm not saying I was completely oblivious to the plight of so many families living here, I just wasn't aware of how deeply fucked up things are.

I'm just glad my eyes are wide open now. 

Old photographs.

Well they're not too old. They're only from a year and a half ago.

I had a smartphone with a camera for a short while in 2012, a lot of close friends to take silly photos of, hilarious breaks in between my irregularly scheduled classes, WhatsApp for those I didn't meet often, random outings with buddies, a couple birthday parties and a lot of memories I wanted to keep safe by the means of photographs.

Soon after, we got busy with our portions, exams came and went and came again, Facebook profiles were deleted, students migrated, gaps widened, friendships faded, new friends were made along the way, hurdles were overcome, boring college paper work was filled out, practicals were conducted, tests were discreetly cheated on by masses, crash courses were attended, marks were distributed and somewhere in the middle of it all my smart phone was replaced with a dabba.

Now, my boards are done with, my entrance exams are all over, congratulations have been received and I got myself a new phone.

*quick jump of joy*

Say hello to my Moto e! It's what I'm typing this out with. I'm back on WhatsApp and have a bunch of other social apps downloaded on this beauty. Also, I put in my old SD card.

Only just now did I look through the silly photos and videos I took then. I can't believe how much fun I've had. They're not just photographs, they're a moment in time, a moment in my life and the lives of others captured still; a tiny piece of time for me to keep forever. It's funny how nostalgic I feel about it though, it's not like I've lived a long time. Like I said, they're only from a year and a half ago.
Maybe it's because of the people the photos remind me of. Maybe knowing that I'm going to see them less often after our admissions are done with makes me value these photographs more.

It's a scary business these admissions.

Rantings Over the Phone #1

After a lot of experimenting, I think I've found what one can truly call close friends. I'm upset we'll be separated soon when we begin going to college but I'd like to reminiscence our silly rantings over the phone, like the one I had recently.
Don't you have one of those days where all your friends just call you one after the other? Yeah, you feel all popular for that moment but you know it was just a string of coincidences. Still you're convinced that you have awesome friends who love you and like sharing details with you. I'd like to share some of them here now and then. My friends don't know I'm doing this so I'll change their names. Maybe they will find this in a couple of years and laugh it off, who knows. Well, they don't even know I have a blog, so that'll take a while.
I've picked new names for them by simply asking them this question: if you had to arrange a false identity for yourself for the purpose of national security or something, what new name would you give yourself?

So recently Jane Doe called me. No hello, or how's it going. She just jumped right in.
JD: I hate my parents!
Me: I'm great thanks. You?
JD: Arrey yaar! I came back all the way from Dadar after class and I was tired but blah blah blah and so that aunty wants some Ganesh idols so my parents have forced me to go with them all the way to Palladium. I don't even believe in idol worship anyway blah blah blah and I wanted a Sub for lunch but my mom wanted a Mac so we had to buy my Sub then walk all the way to Mac but then my parents realized they need groceries from Big Bazaar so they made me, me, their very own daughter stand outside the place with these ganesh idols in one hand, McDonald's burgers in the other while they shop for cauliflowers in Big Bazaar.
Me: Bursts out laughing.
JD: It's not funny!
Oh it was very funny. I moved to the window facing the building gate as I normally do when I receive phone calls because my phone is dabba and always needs an excuse for bad cell phone coverage. If I don't, the voices on the other side start getting distorted. Anyway, I'm pretty sure Jane Doe's parents wanted something else from Big Bazaar but I don't remember what she said exactly so I'm sticking to cauliflowers because come on, cauliflowers are just funny, am I right?
No? Just me? Okay..
Me: Woman, why couldn't you tell them you were tired and you'd rather stay at home.

JD: Nah my parents don't like leaving me alone at home.

Me: why?
JD: I don't know.
Me: But, why?
JD: They just don'!
Me:Gasp! Right now there was a lady who walked awkwardly up to the gate, looked around, probably saw me at the window and just stared at me and then just walked away. It was kinda creepy.
JD: Oh okay. Maybe she's stalking you.
Me: Yeah right.
JD: Yeah, like, maybe she's been watching your every move and she's waiting for the right moment to kidnap you or something.
Me: See, this is probably why you're not allowed to be home alone Jane.
JD: Bursts out laughing.

This Shouldn't be in Comic Sans

I've noticed that more than often that when this webpage loads on your screen, the title of the blog or the title to my blog posts tend to be in Comic Sans. I don't understand why that really happens. If you do see some other oddities do let me know, not that there is anyone even reading these. 

I'm also enjoying decorating the page and playing with the colours and fonts and templates but I'll still need a while to get a hang of it. Maybe in the future it'll look way cooler and way more organized. Stick around maybe you'll be there to see it.